Recovery: week 8 and 9

I had my upper gastro endoscopy on Friday September, 28.  Th Dr send some samples for biopsy and we are waiting for the result in 2 weeks.

There are up and down during recovery. Only remember to have someone ( people) very close to you. You would always talk to him/her ( them) no matter what. Hold on to something, your faith your family your friends, your job, books, movie... Do your best and don't let the recovery be your main focus. It comes will a lot of stress.

I had a wonderful week. I pray a lot and it make me feel better and more hopeful. It's great when at night in my pain I ask God to take it and let me sleep a while and it really happens. Sometimes my husband is the one praying for me and things really happen. The lessons here is that things might not happen your way, but remember they do happen open your eye to see and your ears to hear. You are never alone, God is always by your side. I know not all of us with a throat tumor are christian or believer. I can speak only for myself and this is my story.

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers... 

Aisha

Up date!

Hi,

The ENT (ear-nose-throat) doctor said my MRI is clean and there are no signs of recurrence... The pain in my ear is caused by the scar tissues in my throat. I would probably feel better in few weeks, months, years. I just have to be patient during my recovery.

I felt loved, protected, supported, appreciated... after my email asking for prayers. I'm so blessed to have you all around me during this time.

Blessings.
Love,
Aisha.


Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
 Aisha

Recovery week 7: Thank you!

Thanks to all for the love and support. I'm blessed with friends and family members like you. I received thousand prayers and words of encouragement.

Thanks you so so much!

I learned that When you stop worrying about things you can't control, you become a better and happier person. My mind is at a peaceful place.

My pain is under control now, sometimes I need the painkillers sometimes I don't. I had a MRI on Friday as scheduled and on Wednesday I will see ENT Dr Sinha for the result, hoping for a better news.

I will let you know.


Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Recovery week 6: Need prayers

Hello friend.

I hope you are all fine.

I was doing great, improving in my recovery. But since last week, I have a headache and a pain in my right ear. Drs are confused with those symptoms. They think about a recurrence of the tumor in my throat plus I have been having a hard time swallowing lately. Of course they just want to be safe they are not sure, the pain might also be caused by the scar tissue in my throat pressuring all muscles around it. It's hard to tell. A look of my Throat by the ENT today didn't show any changes but he thinks it's better to do a scan.

I will have a MRI tomorrow morning ( Friday, Sept 14,2012) and an endoscopy scheduled for 09.28.2012.In case of recurrence I'll go back to treatment immediately. Let's hope it's not the case here.

I didn't sleep for the past few days thinking about a brain tumor. I have a very bad ache. But the ENT Dr this morning don't think there is something in my brain. Yes! It hurts a lot specially at night, but he is sure it's all related to my ear, which is related to my throat. I got more pain killers and antibiotics in case of infection in my ear so I hope for a better sleep tonight.

I've tried my best not to be sick in my mind throughout my treatment. But the recovery it's so stressful. There is something new everyday. Sometimes I feel like I'm giving up. I've never been so tired in my life before. But I still have my faith and I know God loves me. I hope to hang onto it.

I think it's been a long time since January 2012. Anyone in my position would show signs of tiredness by now. I need you. Please help me here, have me in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks.

Love,
Aisha


Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Recovery week 5

Another week ...

I don't remember much of this week. I have been very busy with my family. Thank God for that.

I met Dr Salem on Friday and she thinks the pain in my right ear is related to the scar tissues in my throat.  She advices to use hot and cold patches around the neck. Let's see what comes out of it.

The pain in my throat is basically at the same level. I use pain killer and I'm able to eat liquid food. Because it takes me an hour to eat, I use my feeding tube for breakfast and lunch then I eat by mouth for dinner when I have more time.

I still have my spittoon every where ...

The scar from the burn on my neck is almost gone. People barely notice it.

My mood is great and that's what matters the most I think.

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers... 

Aisha

Recovery: week 4

I'm happy that time flies so fast... It seems like yesterday I was starting my recovery... 4 weeks later I would say I'm still very optimistic. It isn't easy and I never thought it would be. But, I'm sure it will improve everyday/week/month/year. My faith is stronger than never before. I enjoy talking to God or talking about God, what he did to me and my family. I have been fortunate with great friends and support since day 1. 

About my physical status, things are stable I would say. I have some pain in my ear from time to time. I can't relate it to something specific. I searched on line and most people describe the same pain few weeks off treatment. I will wait until my next appointment on August 30 with Dr Salem and we will see what she thinks about it. A week ago I was able to eat using pain killers for my throat. But now it's really hard to swallow again. In some forums on line most people say they didn't eat anything up to 16 weeks after the treatment was over. I will be patient and try again soon.

Emotionally I'm doing great. I'm happy to be free to take my girls to places they like. I go to church now... We just came back from a week at the beach. The only problem is my spittoon but I'm fine with it. I hope people around me too.

Recovery is a long and personal process. Optimism and positive attitude help a lot

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...

Aisha

Recovery: week 3

No much changes from last week, except my hair. I have more hair growing now. I'm able to eat by mouth, but I still have to take the pain medicine to swallow. I use my feeding tube here and there. But I try to eat my main meals by mouth.

I feel great. For the first time in 7 months I did not see a Dr this week.

I'm so amazed. God is great and I enjoy all the blessings in my life. I went to a birthday party where I ate meat and corn...

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Recovery: week 2

Like I said last week, things will only get better.

I feel good. I saw Dr O'connor on Friday and she is happy with how things are moving. Yeah!

Last week I was using 4 cans/day with my feeding tube. I couldn't do more unfortunately. I noticed some improvement in my throat, sometimes I'm able to swallow some water when I wash my mouth.

I ate my first meal today ( 6, August) around lunch time. I was able to eat enough. It's still hard to talk about the taste but I enjoyed my meal. I'm very excited and can't wait to try other food.

I cut my hair. I hope now growing, it will look like the one I had before.

I'm so blessed. God is God.


Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Recovery: week 1

I forgot few side effects in my last week list:

7 - phlegm, yellowish, greenish and blondish, smelly and heavy mucus
8 - mouth ulcers
9 - Fatigue. I'm sleepy all day and all night.
10 - lost of taste

When you read on line people usually feel some improvement 4 to 16 weeks after radiation therapy. It takes up to 5 years to heal completely. I thing it's all individual. The most important factor is to morally feel better after the treatment is over. Then the rest will follow easily.

That been said, one week later, I feel some improvement already. My hair is growing back different from what I had before but it's growing. The ulcers in my mouth are all gone. I used magic mouth wash ( a combination of Lidocain and an anti fungal drug). It's really magic. My voice is slowly coming back and it doesn't hurt when I speak ( Tenisha and I have fun whispering)... My throat is sore but clearing up too. The phlegm became a normal mucus/ saliva. This morning I decided to go ahead and drink tea with honey as recommended by many people on the internet. It hurts a lot when I swallow. I handle the pain with no medication. The fatigue is there, it's more like I'm sleepy all the time. I wish I could sleep all day long. When I drink honey/tea, I can't tell it's sweet or sour. I have the same taste in my mouth when I drink water. But I know from now on it will only get better. I have nothing to worry about. Of course I wish I could eat and taste the food today. Sometimes I'm sad I can't talk to my baby who enjoy talking to me. But 4 or 16 more weeks it's fine with me. I'm lucky enough to be able to take care of my kids or to have lost only 10lbs while I read about 20+lbs people loose.

I know I'm blessed. I appreciate and will concentrate on the positive.


Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Treatment over. Thank you all !

I'm so blessed with all the love, help, support and prayers I received during that period. Thanks you so much. I will never forget. I hope you will keep on praying for me. The recovery is also a long and stressful process.

I will now start the long way to recovery. I have tried my best to take it day by day from the beginning. I have to admit it was very helpful.

These are the main side effect of my treatment.

1 - Sore throat, no swallowing,

2 - Hard time using the 5 feeding a day as prescribed, now just 3.

3 - lost 10lbs

4 - Very low voice; it hurts when I speak.

5 - Bad memory.

6 - Hair lost

My main goal is to be able to eat in 8 weeks so they can take out the feeding tube.


Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha.

No matter what happens always remember that God is great. Pray Pray and Pray.

Today was a very exciting day at the chemo session. I met a lady, Barny and a man from Egypt. Barny is a former nurse and a very good talker. Obviously, she started the conversation between us... I was sitting next to the Egyptian man, in his early sixties I will guess, then there was an empty sit next to him and Barny was sitting to the other side of the empty sit. When the nurses were drawing my blood, Barny already exchanged few words with me " I don't like to bring a book and read during my chemo, I prefer to talk to people. I don't notice the time and it feels good." I guess it's because I was the only one not reading a book at that moment. I have to admit I share her opinion. I don't bring books to chemo, I take a note book and my verses notes given to me by a very special friend. I usually sleep the first half of my session because of the Benadril. Then I read the verses and try to memorise at least one ( smile). I also write prayers in my special prayers note book.

Back to the point so we were all sitting and then Barny started the talk. We talked about everything. Starting with the number of sessions left to the the quality of the drugs we were receiving. We also talk about family, friends, the areas in Rockville where each of us live. Then the Egyptian man's wife joined us. A very modest and nice person. Her husband moved to the sit next to Barny and she sat next to me. First of all she was very surprised to see her husband talking. According to her he has been depressed since his Dr told him how long was left for him to live. She has been looking for a psychiatrist as recommended by his Dr. But there he was, laughing and joking exactly the man she knows. He worked as a broadcaster almost all his life. She told me he was an entertainer and suddenly he became quiet and sad after the Dr told him the sad new. I was happy to hear her story. I don't know much about how long we all have to life. But I don't think it's good to tell someone such thing to a person. I personally believe in God and only he knows. What about dying from an accident, or a sudden heart arrest. I mean we don't know all that. I hope I'm right. So why tell someone how long he still has to live? Anyway,I told his wife I believe in God and we are all going to dying one day. Only God knows what is best for us so I trust him with my health. I try as much as possible to keep a positive attitude. I enjoy my kids, husband, family and friends as long as the side effects of my treatment allowed me to do. I look for the blessings and I have many. I told his wife I have nothing to complain about. I was a Dr in a refugees camp and I know what some people are going through.

The Egyptian man treatment was done half an hour before he left. He stayed there talking to Barny and I. His wife was so thankful. She asked about our scheduled because she wanted to match our treatments so we could talk to her husband again.

I then stayed with Barny who also finished her treatment but stayed to talk to me. What a lovely lady. You just want to sit and listen to her. Her wisdom is beyond imagination.

I was so blessed today. I didn't noticed the time going by. I wished my treatment was longer.

I already know there are no coincidences in life. It's God working his way to make our lives better. You remember I had Teena at 600gr a year ago. Then 6 months later I learned I have a cancer. Few weeks later I started radiation therapy. We all know how crazy my life became at that time... If I had Teena on time, she would had been 2 months when I was diagnosed and had to see thousand Drs from Shady grove to Baltimore. She would had been 3 months when I started the treatment... Coincidence or God's hand? It took me few months to see and understand It was God's way to make my life better when I start my treatment and Teena is such a nice baby. People helping taking care of the girls when I go for my treatment all them the same. Teena is a easy...

I know and I also want you to know. Concentrate on the blessings and trust God is always by your side even when you don't see him or hear him. Keep on praying. Prayers are the only solution to your peace and happiness.

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Slowly but surely!

It's been a while. Two weeks ago, I suffered some burns on the skin of my neck. Dr Salem had to stop my treatment for a week for the burns to heal. It felt so good during the break. I wasn't tired. I could finish an ice cream. I didn't loose my voice, I had a taste of normal life again. It seems like forever and I miss taking care of my kids properly. Most of all I can't wait to have a normal meal through my mouth.Thank God my skin also healed during that week. I resume the treatment on Monday, July 9. During my weekly check up with Dr Salem on Thursday, July 12, she announced that I finally hit the single digit, 9 more treatments to go. I'm happy to know that I'm getting there. In 2 weeks I will take another road of recovery. I'm sure that by the grace of God and with all your love I will be just fine.

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Side effects(radiation therapy) my side of the story

Weeks in XT ( radiation therapy), things are getting really intense and I would love to share some thoughts with people going through the same difficulties, or those who have just being diagnosed and don't really know what to expect.

I strongly advice to other people to skip this post. Thank you

As you know if you read my blog from the beginning? I have started my XT 4 weeks ago and I was aware of the complications to come. But no matter how much Drs O'connor and Salem prepared me to deal with its, I wasn't ready. I felt like it came so soon or so sudden.

1. The pain in my throat. I won't describe it because I know it's individual but be aware.
2. The mucus from your throat, it comes out every second. I can no longer talk without going to the bathroom to spit or cough. I have a spittoon at home and have to make sure it stays away from kids.
3. The accumulation of saliva. I sleep with a spittoon next to me. I wake up 10 to 15 times at night.
4. The pain. It concerns the radiated area. Remember to start using the R1 and R2 creams from day one of radiation. You have to write everything down and make sure you remember all the advices from Drs and nurses about skin care during XT.
5. The voice. I lost my voice over night. Thanks to the sens of humor of my 2 years old it became something more funny than painful. My girls now talk like me. They think " mommy's voice is very funny" and they like it. But sometimes I'm hurting inside as I can't no longer pick up calls or don't respond to people greetings at the park or the pool.
6. The weight lost. You lose weight mainly because you eat less. Using a PEG tube demand a lot of time and a perfect scheduling. I'm doing my best with the help of my wonderful nutritionist. She is always there for me and talk to me all the time. I lost 3lbs so far witch is consider less.
7. The shingles virus. It's cause by the same virus that causes chicken pox. As soon as you feel pain with or without rashes somewhere in your skin, talk to your oncologist. Tell the chemotherapy staff so they clean after you and make sure pregnant ladies and kids or people who have not got chicken pox stay away, as it can be spread to them.
8. The emotional factor. Another individual thing, but be aware it happens. Talk to your spouse, partner, or best friend about all your emotions. They are good days and bad ones, but those who love you understand and respect you for what your are going through. Don't be shy or afraid talk, talk and talk.

Those are the main concern. I always note all the questions I have for my oncologist and radiologist. It's good to ask your Drs everything even those you already know from blogs and other internet materials.

I hope this help smooth your journey with throat cancer.

Best.

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Discovering radiation therapy

Radiation therapy is progressive. Each additional session is worse than the session before. During my first meeting Dr Salem explained it in details. But, the reality is even worse. My throat is already extremely sore, although we are only halfway. It's painful to drink water or swallow food. I spend an hour trying to finish a small bowl of cereal in the morning. Open sores are developing in my mouth too. So I use my feeding tube for lunch and dinner.

I'm tired not only physically but mentally too. I'm trying not to let myself down. I constantly have the reminder of how blessed I am. I didn't cook dinner for the pass 2 weeks because friends brought us meals every other day. I have people helping with the girls while my sister is away. People call or send me text just to make sure I'm fine or don't have any urgent need.

The attitude and prayers are definitely the key to keep on going here. I love the person I'm becoming inside out. It's really important to be happy with what you have than being sad with what you wish you had. I'm fortunate and I thank God for it.

Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Radiation: day 10

JUNE

Day 10 = 29 more days.

I was told by Dr Salem, my radio/oncologist, that around the 10th day into treatment, the pain (soreness) will kick in.

Guess what? it did, but not on the 10th day. The pain started 2 days ago. For now, it's only when I eat. I've been doing my best to eat by mouth. It takes me an hour to finish a small plate, but I eat, that's all that matters to me right now. I hope to keep my swallowing and chewing very active during the treatment. Of course today the pain is more intense. I'm trying to forget and concentrate on joyful stuff, like Teena's new face when she eats rice. I wish you could all see it... so funny!

I have a great support group. I appreciate the meals, prayers and love. I'm blessed. I'm not going to fail you, not now after all you have been doing to help and encourage me.

June 2nd, still the same big smile.

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Memorial weekend

It’s the long memorial weekend, meaning no radiation for me tomorrow. I’ve been fine with the help of tablets. Rigo told me today that I’m changing. I know I am... I didn’t ask how. I hope not too bad. I’m trying my best to reduce the emotional effect of my cancer and treatment on other people than myself. I hope I succeed, if not, then sorry to you sweetheart(and all). That’s why it’s said “for better or worse” during marriage vows.

I’m busy exploring different hair styles. One of the best things about having a cancer is that no matter what I have on my head, people like it. May be by sympathy for my hair lost... Anyway I’ve been trying on new scarves lately and I love it. It’s amazing how soon I got used to my “no hair head”

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Radiation

Chemo side effects + radiation is never a good combination. But my spirit is up as usual.

I lost all my hair. Of course it's only hair. They will grow as soon as I'm done with chemo. Only 7 weeks to go. yeh!

I love my new look 

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Chemo/radio

So this is how it will go from now till the end of my treatment.

I will have radiation from Monday-Friday 15 to 20min for the next 6/7 weeks a total of 39 sessions.

I will continue with the same drugs(taxol and carboplatin) for chemo on Wednesdays from 8.30am-12noon for the next 6 weeks a total of 2 sessions ( 1session = wednesday1 chemo+ wednesday2 chemo+ wednesday3 break).

My chemo went well this morning. Went in around 8.30am. They started the IV as soon as they got my physicals. The nurses are great. I was there until 12.15pm. I slept most of the time and didn't feel overwhelmed like the first two sessions

I drove home to check on the girls and Solange (my lovely sister who is here to help). Then I headed to Shady Grove Radiology. I was set exactly like yesterday. Kenny G's music, mask on my head first, then on my chest and harms; I know this sounds scary. But when you believe God is there with you, it's easy. I believe in God and before they zip the mask on my face I ask God to be with me. I was calm and concentrated all the time. I meditated and prayed. It helped me forget about claustrophobia.

What I do to handle the claustrophobia

I ask the nurse to put the mask on my face first, my eyes are closed. Also on my request she puts the music of Kenny G. Why him? It's instrumental music. It helps to concentrate and meditate. Once both my harms are crapped. I start meditating.I talk to God, Jesus, Mary and all the saints I know. With my eyes close and my body crapped, I open my heart to them so they could help me with the fear.

" when you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears"

Thank you LORD


Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Meeting with the radiation team

After meeting Dr O'connor on Monday 21st, she arranged a meeting with Dr Salem the next day at 12noon.

I showed up around 12.07pm. Nonetheless I was welcomed and offered a lovely pink gown. As soon as I joined the team in the Xray room, I don't know what came into me. I was in panic, screaming, crying... The idea of a mask welded on my face, made me loose it all. Dr Salem was nice, helped me cool down and sent me home.

I felt bad and offered to come back in the afternoon. Like they say "keep moving, a bend in the road is NOT the end of the road, unless you fail to turn." Thank God there was an open after 4pm and they agreed to have me back.

Got there on time. I was much calmer when. They could set the machine for my treatment plan. HURRAY!

Rendez -vous on Mai 23 at 1.45pm for the beginning of happiness or madness.

Let's see.!

For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord;
--Jeremiah 30:17


Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

1/2 way Chemo+ PET + Scan transition to Chem/Radio

MAY

I had my last chemo on May 2nd. Then we had a long break so my blood count could catch up. On the 14th, I had a PET and scan to appreciate the effect of the chemo so far. Dr.O'connor was hoping for a 30% decrease of metabolic activities around the tumor. She was out of town and I had to wait a week to get the result.

My appointment with her was set for Monday 21st at 9.45am. She called me around 9 that morning and asked me to come immediately. It was a stressful drive to her office; my heart was pumping. I was scared... Rigo reminded me about the real healer who has been taking care of me since I was born: GOD. (*)

I arrived at "the oncology and associate" office around 9.30am. As usual they took my blood and sent me to the waiting room N3. The longest 15minutes I ever waited in my life. Dr. O'connor came with a big smile, hug me and told me how great my attitude is and how easy I am as a patient. Yes! and...Honestly I had no clue of what she was about to say. She then said " no more cancer, 0 metabolic activity, nothing can be seen on the scan, nothing". what? I was speechless and I thank God. I could not wait to text Rigo ((smile) he had a meeting that morning). God is great and we are so so blessed.

Dr O'connor insisted we stick to the initial treatment plan. Of course we will. I will have the same chemo for the next 6 weeks(on Wednesdays) and Dr Salem will add radiation.

* Did I say I was scared? of course not (smile). I was sure God was taking care of me. yeah yeah sorry Aisha-GUILTY!

Sorry oh Lord, it's hard for me to see all the thoughts and plans You have for me. No matter how much love you show me, I still fail to trust in you all the time. Please fill me with your spirit of trust. I want to put my trust in You, meet Your guide to set me free.I want to have you in my mind all the time. Amen!

My new hair, May 2012

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

Exams, drs appointmens, and the treatment

APRIL

I was happy that my preliminary PET and CT scans did NOT find any cancer in my head, chest or abdomen. Plus, my blood work came back normal. I feel so relieved to hear the great news. I was trying to keep a very positive attitude going into my tests. Rigo was there with me all the time. Giving me a big smile and telling me funny story to keep my mood up. He is my rock.

The following weeks I had few exams and meeting with Drs. I also started my first session of chemo on April,4. During my break from chemo, I went through few surgical procedures at the Shady Grove Hospital. A bronchoscopy by Dr. Ball on April 10. and a PEG tube by Dr. Jager on the 13. I was in pain because of the tube. My emotions touched the bottom and for a moment I forgot about God. I felt abandoned. That night, other than Rigo, there was also Emmanuel to remind me about God. He came to spend the night with us and played all the Don Moen songs I love.

I continued with my second session of chemo from April 25. That's when I started loosing my hair. It was quiet a shock for me. Although I was prepared for it. But again, my wonderful and super husband was there to make me feel special without hair. He shaved my head and told me how pretty I was. For him I look just the same, maybe more beautiful because of what I'm going through.

During all that time, my girls were brave. They had to spend more time with nannies and friends even more with Rigo. But they did good. We had no major issues. Teresa started showing signs of frustrations after I got my feeding tube and was in pain. She was also very confused after I lost my hair. But super daddy was there for her, with her. He did a lot of talking and now she understands why I have a tube or lost my hair.

There is nothing more terrifying than a mother not being able to take care of her children. I cried a lot after my surgery, I missed taking care of Teresa, Tenisha and Teena. I couldn't wait to play with them again.

We had a night of prayers, led by pastor Norm at our house on Friday the 20 of April. It's good to have a support group during moments like this. We appreciate everyone who came that night.

But we will never forget Emmanuel and all he did for us after my surgery. It's impossible to name everyone. We know and feel the love. We will be forever thankful to you all.

God is great. We say it all the time, not realizing how true it is. Our family is really blessed and we feel the privilege of being sons of God. Everything in our life is special and unique. We are so thankful. Now we know how to give thank. Our faith is bigger than ever. Amen!

April 2012

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha

The biginning...

MARCH

I had an on and off sore throat during the winter. At one point I couldn't eat liquid food or swallow my own saliva. But Dr Tham insisted it has to do with the heather in the house...

Early March, she finally sent me for a scan and a mass was discovered in my throat.

I met Dr Eisodofer on March 12, a very nice and polite doctor.(One of the only doctors in private practices who dresses like a real Dr unlike those who dress like direction of banks...). He understood the emergency and scheduled the gastroenteroscopy for the next day. We did the endoscopy at the Shady Grove Hospital on March 13.

March 15, around 6pm, I was driving along 355 in Gaithersburg. I got a call from Dr Eisodofer office. It was his 12 attempt to get in touch with me that day. I picked up and told him"I'm driving dr but I will stop somewhere so we could talk". Where did I stop?! At GPC north parking area. "Now we can talk" I said. " So well" he replyied, "we found a tumor, HPV type. You are very young and you will be fine. An oncologist, Dr O'connor will contact you shortly I made an appointment for you to meet her tomorrow." I reply " Thanks you dr, I will meet her. Thanks bye!" he added " bye, drive safely". I didn't have time to realize what was happening. I just droped food at the Stef's house and I had my three girls in the car with me. I couldn't cry or scream. I didn't feel like it anyway. I look up to the church roof and said " oh God help me", and drove back home.

Got home full of energy, joking and playing with the girls; cooked diner that night, fed them, put them to bed and waited for Rigo. As soon as he opened the doors, I burst into tears. But as usual he was calm and quiet. He kept on repeating " we will be fine". But at that time he had no idea it was a tumor. So I feel like giving him time to eat his dinner first. He had diner that night as if nothing was happening and we went to bed. Before our bed time prayer, I told him it's a cancer in my throat... He hug and said we will be fine. ( grrrrrr) I never heard him so open to God and most of all optimistic before. He made me realize how much I/we needed God. I was lucky and happy he was there for me that day, calm as usual.

March 2012

Stay blessed and thank you all for your love and prayers...
Aisha